SAPPHIC STRIPPER, JOB CANDIDATE!

Happy New Year, Friends!

Be it resolved that, in 2013, I shall earn at least one (1) dollar for my words and not my wiles.
It’s been nearly three years since I’ve hit the pavement with a resume and not a pair of stilettos in my tote bag. Today I’m sat in a cafe, drafting up a coherent list of all the skills I’ve learned as a dancing naked lady.

That’s right. Entertainer, psychologist, babysitter and Fantasy Girl will be appearing as my most recent job titles, at the very fucking top of my curriculum vitae. The skills and life lessons I’ve learned from shaking my tits and ass are invaluable, and I’m happy to divulge these facts with anyone who asks…. so why omit them from my job application?

Behold:

THE PROFESSIONAL ABILITIES OF IRIS GREENE: 

Communication skills:

• Outstanding written, verbal and physical presentation skills.

• Confident, articulate, and experienced professional speaking abilities in public, to groups, or via electronic media. Comfortable, confident and generally enthusiastic to do so naked.
• Empathetic listener and persuasive speaker.  Ability to talk, flirt and conduct business in French and English. Possesses an ability to hustle in Spanish and Russian.

Problem Solving / Strategic Thinking:

• Combined patience, determination, and persistence to ensure customer satisfaction.
• Expertly skilled at evaluating options and generating solutions in a loud, dimly lit and drunken environment.

Business & Sales skills:

• Possess self-motivated, entrepreneurial spirit and seriously competitive attitude.
• Outstanding aptitude for setting targets and meeting them nightly and monthly.

Organizational Skills:

• Managed my own schedule while traveling to different cities, countries and continents on short notice.
• Work efficiently with little to no notice to changing working conditions.

Customer Service skills:

• Routinely handled as many as 200 customer contacts a day (3,200 per month) under strobe lights, managing to remember most of their names, jobs, hometowns and kinks.
• Interacted with a diverse group of customers, tailoring services to fit their needs.

Creativity:

• Created myriad dynamic characters, often on the spot and in response to a quick and effective analysis of the customer’s desires.
• Outstanding rhythm and dance skills that can be performed to a variety of musical genres, and under a varying level of inebriation.

Adaptability & Agility:  

• Culturally sensitive and internationally traveled hustler, friend, business woman and citizen of the intricate and universal web of titty bars.
• Emotionally, physically and intellectually able to quickly adapt to a diverse range of cultural, business and geographical climes.
• Enthusiastic to try new things and interested in improving efficiency on assigned tasks.

*All of the aforementioned skills can be performed while wearing six inch stiletto platforms.

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Fellow flap flashers! If you have anything you would care to add to help me be even MORE employable, I welcome your input!